Actual Convoy Communication (mostly)

This is a semi-classified (ok, not really) transcript of part of an actual Zombie convoy secrurity run. The names have been withheld for security reaons....mine mainly. You won't get this real-life, there-we-were look at life in the Diyala Province anywhere else. Keep in mind as you read the following account that all security trucks in the convoy can hear what each other are saying over the radio whether you are talking to that truck or not. 

TIME: 2055 (1:55pm Eastern)
DATE:  classified
LOCATION:  Diyala Province, Iraq
UNIT: Zombie Platoon
DESTINATION:  classified
ROUTE:  classified

GUN 3:  (This is the convoy commanders guntruck) "Four, this is Three.  I need you to get eyes on 3 local nationals standing together on the right side of the road; vicinity grid MV xxx xxx (classified) and tell me what they are doing as you pass. Over."

GUN 4: (me) "Three, this is Four. Roger.....stand by. Over." (My truck is about 300 meters behind gun 3 with seven  KBR trucks between us.  As we approach the area I direct the gunner to use the CROWs optics to get a look at the "target" group.  The thermal sight shows them clearly standing in a group about 15 feet off the road. As we pass their location one of them lights a cigarette.  I have my gunner swivel the turret around to track them even as we pass by and continue on.  He reports one is smoking and the other two are just standing there watching the trucks roll by.  No weapons, cameras, or cell phones.  "Three, this is Four. Subjects appear to be standing and talking.  One lit a cigarette as we passed. Over."

GUN 3: "Four, this is Three. Roger. Out.  Five, this is Three. I want you to watch those guys as you pass and report. Over."

GUN 5:  Three, this is Five. Roger. Over.  (about 30 seconds pass)  "Three, this is Five. Standing around smoking. Over."

GUN 3:  "Five, this is Three. Roger. Out.   Six, this is Three.  Get eyes on those guys on the right side of the road after you pass xxxxxxxxxx (classified) and watch them. Out."

GUN 6:  "Three, this is Six. Roger. Over."  (30 seconds pass)  "Three, this is Six. They're still smoking and talking. Over."

GUN 3:  "Break...break...break!!  Seven, this is Three. I don't care if they are smoking. They weren't ####### smoking when we passed them! They were kneeled down doing something on the ground. Get eyes on them as soon as you come up! Over."

(hmmmm, that might have been useful info 3 minutes ago thought each of the commanders of trucks 4,5,& 6 that had just passed the subjects.  The fact that Gun 3 saw them doing something suspicious might have been good information to pass on instead of "hey, yeah, if you feel like it could you glance over at these guys hanging out on the side of the road please."

GUN 7:  "Three, this is Seven.  Roger.......be advised that no shovels are visible....break.  ....they are not showing any hostile intent.....break.    ......except for smoking. Over.

GUN 3:  "Seven, this is Three.  Roger....copy no hostile intent. Out."

(Everyone in Zombie had a little laugh over that display of an "extra-ordinary amount of caution" or paranoia if you rather. For the next couple of missions calls of "be advised we have smokers", "smokers on the left, 80 meters", and "I have positive ID on a smoker, permission to engage" filled the comms.  Even the convoy commander later was able to laugh at the situation (himself). It was probably much funnier if you were there.  We have to take our humorous situations where and how we can around here.  That is all.